Since I don't live in a swing state, I had to hear through the grapevine that there's going to be a presidential election this year. With both the
Democratic and Republican conventions coming up, I decided it was my patriotic duty to check out what the candidates stand for and make an informed choice.
Of course, I was already partial to this Kerry fellow. For starters, I think I speak for hockey players everywhere in saying that America has had enough presidents who golf; in times like these, we need a president with a slapshot. I also have great respect for people like my father-in-law, a lifelong Republican, who keeps telling me he's fed up with Bush and admires Kerry's military heroism. In addition, those of us who grew up in Idaho feel some local pride: If he wins, that's where Kerry will have his Western White House -- and nobody understands that we live in a dangerous world better than a Democrat who has spent time in
Idaho.
But like my father-in-law, I try to be fair-minded, so I logged onto the Bush website to see what he has in mind for the country. Right there at the top, I found what I was looking for. The heading said, "STAY INFORMED," and the first topic was "Pres. Bush's Agenda." The first time I clicked on it, the site quoted Bush's Inaugural address in January 2001, and said he had been hard at work on it for "two and a half years" since.
I was glad to see I wasn't the only one who thought Bush ran out of gas sometime in 2003, and I was proud of the president for being man enough to admit it. It crossed my mind that I had forgotten what year it was myself, but when I clicked on "Learn more about Kerry's cynicism," the information had been updated that very day.
I was still curious to know the president's plans for a second term, so I checked back later to explore some more. The reference to working for two and a half years since the Inaugural Address had been replaced by a quote from the January 2003 State of the Union. Just when I thought the president might have given up on straight talk, I saw that his economic plan admitted that health insurance costs have been rising 10 percent per year on his watch. And he said he couldn't think of a mistake!
But the Bush economic plan was from 2003, too. So were the national security and energy plans. I knew he'd had his hands full with Iraq, but surely he must have some plan for the future. In desperation, I searched the website for "Mars." The search engine found three references -- a speech where Bush referred to astronauts as "spatial entrepreneurs"; a speech where he called John Travolta "Moon Man"; and a campaign memo explaining that Kerry and the news media were wrong to suggest that a mission to Mars would cost 1 trillion dollars. The memo said the president's "measured and deliberative approach" would only cost 1 billion dollars over the next five years. I'm not sure I see the point of going to Mars anytime soon, but I agree with the president that we should measure first.
You'd think Bush could come up with something to do in a second term, especially with that $999 billion he's saving by taking the scenic route to Mars. I scanned the website to see if he had figured out how to rein in the cost of his prescription drug program. All I found was a few references to the Bush guy who threatened to fire a bureaucrat for trying to tell Congress how much they were about to explode Medicare spending.
I remember the good old days when Republicans went to jail for taking bribes, covering up burglaries, or conducting covert wars against communism. Now they're under investigation for covering up massive social spending. No wonder conservatives are unhappy. That's like
Oliver North running a secret Head Start program in the White House basement.
Like I said, you have to give this administration credit: They're willing to go to jail for things they don't even believe in.
Anyway, I couldn't find any new ideas on the Bush website, so I went to Kerry's. The two websites have a few things in common. For example, both sites let you watch their campaign ads, and no matter which site you choose, you see a lot of ads about John Kerry.
The main difference is that Kerry's ads include an agenda for the country. On Kerry's site, when you click on an issue like the economy, education, or homeland security, John Kerry and his running mate John Edwards actually have a plan for what to do. Unlike Bush, Kerry and Edwards don't seem to have any big plans for 2003. All their plans are about the future.
If you think this election is about who should be last year's president, George Bush is your man. For me, next year can't come soon enough.
